During the one and only period that I received inpatient treatment for my alcoholism, until shortly before admission a fellow patient had led a drink-free life for eight years - I was eager to learn how he had been able to do so.
What I learned horrified me; although he had not drunk alcohol for eight years, he said he had spent every minute of every day wanting to do so and had only managed to resist by attending every Alcoholics Anonymous meeting he could - up to six a day - and organising his movements between them so that he never passed a pub or off license; he only did his shopping when supermarkets were not permitted to sell alcohol.
Although he had managed not to drink alcohol for eight years, he had not changed as a person and his whole life was taken up by "not drinking"; shortly after being discharged from hospital he committed suicide.
I started taking Campral at the beginning of August 2004 and just six weeks later when confronted with the alternatives of drinking beer (which was what was expected of me) or choosing to drink something non-alcoholic (which was what I knew was best for my health), I discovered that I no longer had any desire to drink alcohol. In that instant I knew my life had changed for ever.
For ten years I had been preparing myself to live my life doing without something upon which my whole career and social life had been dependent, and something I really enjoyed - and suddenly drinking alcohol held no attraction for me.
I had refused drinks in pubs many times before but had always made an excuse for doing so. I had lied about my drinking and then lied about the reasons for not drinking. In the instant that I discovered that I no longer had any desire to drink alcohol, I realised I was free; there was no longer any reason to tell lies.
It was the first occasion on which I told people who were not alcoholics themselves, or connected with the treatment of alcoholism, that I was an alcoholic and how I had become one. I was only able to do that because I knew with absolute certainty that I would never drink alcohol again.
There have been very few occasions since when I have to make such public declarations, but two have happened in the last ten days; I have just started working with a group of researchers at Huddersfield University in the north of England, to celebrate the agreement we went out to a pub for lunch and as my brewing background had been very important in establishing my credibility, so when I chose a non-alcoholic drink I also told them of my route into alcoholism and my subsequent escape.
Last week was the end of an era; my mother was one of nine children and last Friday was the funeral of the last of them, I made a point of going because I feared that it would be the last time that I would see many of my cousins, much of the day was spent catching up with one another’s lives and everyone wanted to know why I was not drinking beer. I had given my explanation several times when other people came to hear me talk about my experiences first hand.
Several people expressed surprise that I talked so freely about my alcoholism but I told each one that the change that Campral had brought about was so profound that I found talking about my alcoholic self was almost like talking about another person.
One of the mourners was not only my late uncle’s doctor, but a very good friend of the family and in that capacity spent the evening with us; he was very interested in my recover. I think that at last I have found a doctor who has fully grasped the implications of my experience.
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